Although I have a huge family I have spent many holidays alone. I have been hungry and alone through many of them. When I was a child, I gushed over my slightly younger niece’s gifts as she listed them off to me. I remember her extending her arm to show me the expensive watch that she received. She innocently asked what I had received. It was my first lesson about the division of social class and realizing that I was a “have not”. Yet I was happy to see everyone, and to get to have special foods. But being around a lot of people doesn’t satiate that loneliness within.
Holidays gave me the rare opportunity to dig deep to find reverence in the days. Now it is a choice if I will be around people or not. I am not caught up in this swell of unconscious excitement. I am calm and reverent and use the day when every one else, I assume is over-taxed and stressed, to tune into the real reasons to be grateful. All the beautiful decorations, a magical snowfall, a huge mass of people connected in a similar mind and state is magical.
I have never asked for a material gift and received it. Well, there was that one time when I was very young and asked Santa for a baby carriage and he complied. It was my worst Christmas ever and I never realized why I was so miserable until looking back. Apparently Santa was clueless. He didn’t realize that one needed a baby doll to put in the carriage. Santa’s lack of awareness ruined my Christmas and set a precedent for those to come.
It is the intangible qualities of kindness and a loving spirit that are never disappointing. So much of the days are about the gifts yet most have not given the level of appreciation for the gift of simple peace and sanctity of home. There is an inner place of contentment that one can choose to go when all the outer comforts are trip-wired for disappointment. I am not trying to discredit anyone’s experiences. I know it is easy to shift into an inner place of “have not”. But I am holding a hand out to you to come to the side f true contentment. There is nothing else like it.