Dealing with Manipulators

A Question on Maintaining Boundaries

Q- I find your posts on how people manipulate others very interesting. How do we stay free of this? I am a teacher, and I struggle with trying to please or being easily manipulated by students’ wants. A- The best way to stay free of manipulation is by tuning in to your gut feelings. Do this with every interaction until it becomes habitual. Tuning in is an innate ability that we all share, so should be easy to relearn. Test it out on small, inconsequential matters and when you get that twinge that something is not right, change your course of action. By strengthening your gut reaction mechanism, you will be better able to tell when you need to change course in any dynamic. You are in a great position to teach the children to develop this skill in them, too. Children are master manipulators. They challenge adults with the word “why”. This is a very powerful word for a child. They learn very early that when it causes an adult to be flustered, they win. So take the weapon of explaining yourself out of their arsenal. The next time a child asks you to explain yourself, simply tell them that […]

Read More

Technique to Adopt a Non-Reactive Stance

We are a vibrant ball of energy. Our interactions, on a more subtle level aren’t merely a matter of not bumping into each other physically. It is also important to avoid bumping into each other on more subtle levels as well. On an emotional level, this would look like two people yelling and crying in a dramatic scene. In the mental realms, it would look like two people debating issues and trying to one-up the other. Others try to compete with us in the energetic realms. They try to show superiority in some way. They poke a stick at us and expect a reaction so they can engage us. They make their energy field more firm by stating absolute truths or stating strong opinions. On an emotional level they will get louder and put more energy behind their point of view. There is no need to respond. They are attempting to cause a reaction in you and affect you by making you harden your own energy. It is not necessary. The most empowering way to respond is to step back and NOT respond. It is a way to control yourself in the energetic realms and may take much discipline. After […]

Read More

The Physiological Exchange of Emotional Energy

It’s common sense that if one drinks a lot of water, they will have to relieve their bladder at some point. But when it comes to ingesting anger, sadness, and other “heavy” emotions, we think that they are just magically transformed. Because we can’t see them, we disconnect from the process of relieving them. Yet our verbiage tells us otherwise. Someone dumped on me today. I just had to talk it out. I have to bounce it off someone. I am taking in everything that you are saying. We know that there is a need to get rid of these issues. The lazy way is to dump them onto some agreeable soul. This is pure ignorance. People are hurting their friends because they are too lazy to take action to convert the stagnant energy into a more productive form. Of course some people are in a chronic state and they may need the help of a professional who is equipped to deal with their barrage of emotional energy. But the rest of us should not have to be made to feel guilty by not being a dumping ground for a friend’s issues. We should not require this of our friends. There […]

Read More

Changing Friend Dynamics

When someone is telling you about their problems, they will say things like, “You know how it feels when _________” You are feeling just fine but they want you to remember a time when you felt like they do so that you will be able to relate to their pain. They are actually pulling your vibratory rate down to their level so you are equals. In that similar frequency, problems can transfer easily between the two of you. They can relieve some of their angst by putting some of it on you. Since you are at similar levels then, it is like water passing between the two you. As payment for this, the person will flatter you shamelessly for being a good friend and a good listener. They go about their day feeling relieved and you may now feel out of sorts. But that is the price to pay for being a good friend. Right? Wrong. This relationship dynamic has been going on for too long. Someone can be a great friend without listening to all that a person can dish out. Some people have become very crafty in getting their needs met this way. It is not fair to […]

Read More

The Ungrateful Exchange

I once helped a psychic who was having troubles. She said she couldn’t afford the sessions so I was giving her assistance for free. On one hand she would tell me she bought this and bought that, but then remembered she wasn’t paying me so she caught herself and started to tell me how poor she was. I realized that by me helping her for free, it kept her stuck with her story that she was a victim. I didn’t like that she felt she had to validate it for me. I wanted to help her, not hear her defend all the reasons that she was in poverty. This was not helping her. When she did readings with people, she was storing all their issues into her body. She was compacted with all their stagnant energy and they felt better. It was overwhelming how much stagnant energy was storing and I did what I could to release it.. But then she did something that was on the unconscious level very deliberate. She started talking non stop without a breadth and dumping all the energy that I didn’t release yet directly into my dan tien (below the navel). I told her […]

Read More