Recently I facilitated a session for a couple who are both separately, regular clients. It is during the couple’s sessions that my sensitivities come in most handy. There are things that people may want to convey to each other but are either unable or unwilling to articulate them.
Before the session, I knew that the husband was harboring resentment. I could feel it and I knew that the wife wanted the session because she was feeling frustrated and unsupported. People don’t understand how much they communicate with the voice. Both the husband and wife were conveying a lot of information to each other through the tone and the syntax that was not consistent with what they were saying in words. I could hear it right away in their voices.
With her words she was saying, “Sure, take all the space you need. I am confident, loving and supportive”. But with her tone she was saying, “I feel insecure and needy. Please validate me with attention”. This really irritated him and was part of the reason he thought he was being so noble in putting up with it.
In words he was saying , “I am just in need of alone time”. In his tone he was saying many different things. It had a strong strains of arrogance and contempt, which he wasn’t aware of. His voice was not only irritating her, but was cruel and smug. This undercurrent was the more real dynamics than the facade of the words they were saying.
In their first couple session, we addressed how irritating her voice was to him. We combed out a lot of the irritation tones in her voice. The husband was very grateful and relieved. Although it was painful for the woman to know the truth, it was a relief to realize that there was something that he was indeed reacting to in her even though he denied it their whole marriage. This poor woman was feeling innately flawed her whole marriage and she finally got vindication in knowing she was not overreacting and imagining his behavior. He was indeed avoiding her many times because her voice conveyed characteristics that were revolting to him.
He thought he was being a great guy; the noble prince; by martyring himself to this unbearable fate. He loved his wife but he felt his sacrifice was great. He did not realize that he was telling her exactly how he felt with his tone. There was mocking, superiority, anger, contempt, frustration in his everyday tone. During our second session we stripped out a lot of the issues from both of their voices.
He knew from their first session that we were able to change her voice tone so it wasn’t so irritating to him. That was a prelude to his voice tone being stripped of all the belittling undertones. The way I did this is I led him through taps to strip out the anger and other emotions from his sound frequency but it also took a bit of calling him on it and showing both of them when I heard the arrogance, anger etc. and have him say it again without those tones.
In some sessions my voice is real sharp and many clients confuse it with me being angry with them. I never am. I am using my sharp voice to “cut away” undesirable things from their sound. For some people it is necessary. So in helping this man change his “tune”, I was showing him how to be more conscious of what he was saying and align the undertone with what he thought he was conveying with his actions.
I explained to him how to be deliberate with each word. Instead of worrying about what came next (doing this allowed the mind to be in charge and convey it’s hidden agenda) to focus on putting loving intention into each syllable. Between this and walking him through some taps, his wife could actually hear a shift in his voice. By the end of the very long session, his wife and I were both able to hear loving tones in his voice. Not only did she get validation for all the times she felt something was wrong and he denied it, she could finally hear love in his voice. The shift was literally miraculous.
Here are some taps to clear out unattractive undertones from one’s voice.
Say each statement out-loud three times while continuously tapping on the top of your head, and say it a fourth time while continuously tapping on your chest.
Don’t skip any because you don’t think they apply to you. The ones you want to skip are the ones you need to do.
“I remove all anger from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I release resonating with anger; in all moments”
“I infuse Love into my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I remove all need from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I release resonating with need; in all moments”
“I infuse contentment into my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I remove all superiority from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I release resonating with superiority; in all moments”
“I infuse Humility into my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I remove all desperation from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I release resonating with desperation; in all moments”
“I infuse confidence into my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I remove all depression from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I release resonating with depression; in all moments”
“I infuse Joy into my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I remove all jealousy from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I release resonating with jealousy; in all moments”
“I infuse trust into my sound frequency; in all moments”
To get an understanding of the subtle messages that are conveyed in the voice is a great tool for couples. When they are interacting, one can now calmly say to the other,” I hear jealousy in your voice”. That person can now do the taps to address it. Just the simple act of acknowledging these things and validating someone’s point of view with the taps is HUGE. Also, there is nothing more attractive than a person that has a loving caliber in their speech.