Recently someone wrote to me who has attended my retreats and had private sessions with me. They were struggling as to how to quantify what I do with the people in their life. Some of the exercises that I put out there stretch the envelope for them and they are concerned of people that they know judging them harshly for their association with me. Here is what I wrote back to them:
I love your honesty. Yeah… LOL I put it all out there. I have this weird mechanism in me that has always believed everyone when they have told me something. There is no judgement in me. So, I could either judge everyone and direct my work to a very thing skein of society; those who are sane, adjusted, functioning well, happy and conformed to doing well in society . Or I could believe everyone when they tell me who they are. There are so many people who believe in odd things. They do. They have either tapped into different realities, are delusional or are believing different control factions like that in the Russian bots who put out all kinds of theories to immerse people in fear. It isn’t important what I believe or what I put out there. It is having a means to collecting every person in society under the same umbrella so they can feel comfortable and safe in any belief system. That is the way to encourage everyone back into a sense of security of love, acceptance and empowerment.
I have been fortunate to be able to tap into people’s delusions. It is one of my gifts. Who can say that and still articulate well. My ability to write and articulate is a mean to give mainstream a taste of the hell that others go through. It is hell to feel enslaved to such forces. If the world was drenched in world peace and there was no suffering, then dismissing any vantage point would be an option. But for someone who wishes to elevate all of humanity, it feels like a missed opportunity to omit any demographic or dismiss any point of view. Wouldn’t you love to know what goes on in the mind of a uni-bomber or random psychopath? I have had the luxury of being privy to that.
The reason a psychopath is able to kill so easily is because he puts no value on the human life. The guy who locked me up thought that humans were just moths in disguise. In fact, he bought real powerful bug zappers and forced me to kill moths at night as a means of taking out obnoxious people. He would sit up on the deck and laugh as I worked starving through the night. It is in tapping into his psyche which I so easily do, that I was able to tap into all the conspiracy theories that were out there and use them to reassure all those that are touched by them that there is hope. Negating them is merely isolating people in a private hell. I am aware of private hells. Allowing space for a grain of truth in everything, also makes space for a grain of acceptance that can lead to the opening of a door or an opening of a heart.
Also, the fact that I survived being brain washed, tortured, forced to kill and almost starved to death; returning to my home town thinking I was a retarded boy is one reason to cut me some slack. The fact that I am able to articulate at a pretty competent level a lot of the dynamics that go in in the world gives me some license as well. The fact that I have helped so many people with what I do, even sometimes saving lives, gives me more license to write incredible stories. The world is a chaotic place where the truth is no longer the norm means that there is some need for people to learn accountability and it is more easily learned from someone who is not going to judge them. The miracle that I made it this far through life being ultra sensitive and living among a family who detested me and did everything they could to make sure that I did not receive any love. Being born to a mother who cursed me on my birth and tried to do everything she could so that she did not have to give birth to me. Having such sensitivities to healing and energy that I am capable of taking the mystique out of healing and explain the physiologic aspects of it for those who would otherwise dismiss it. And the greatest validation for me being capable of assisting others while writing such surreal scenarios, is……simply the miracle of my ability and capacity to love.
I have tried my whole life to fit in and still people hated and abused me. It was when I stopped apologizing for myself or editing what I do to appease others that I found freedom. After I returned from being imprisoned and tortured, everyone I knew disowned me. I no longer had anyone to please. It seemed that when someone did enter my life, it was because THEY had a need to fill and used me for as long as was necessary to them and then moved on. Because they had a need of me, it afforded me the freedom to say what I thought and felt. Why should I tip toe around them? They were getting their needs met through being with me. That same foundation has carried through as I worked on people.
I spent many years feeling like people’s dirty little secret when they would call me for a session. They would open up to me and I would help them every time but then they would not mention me to anyone. I felt like a mistress to them in some way. It is a horrible feeling. But as I do my work, I have found the vibration of receptivity in the world has opened up. It has afforded me the ability to say what I think. I have used this to test the boundaries of what people would accept out of their comfort range. If they can accept me, then they can accept others. If they can glean truth from what I do, maybe they will be able to glean some truth from someone who they would otherwise dismiss.
I have had many people tell me what NOT to do to be accepted for what I do. Don’t make sounds, don’t talk about things that people won’t accept. Don’t talk about reincarnation or talking to trees. But I stretch the envelope so other people can come out of hiding. Since I have talked about communicating with trees, so many people have come forward and given me their great experiences in talking with trees. It is not only harmless but it ads hope, possibility, enthusiasm and wonder to nature. With so many people thinking of trees as merely an appendage to their neighborhood, isn’t it good to give them a reason to not cut down all the trees. Especially since our relationship with trees is literally the life force of our survival. The fact that people do not compute this simple reality is validation enough that something is going on within them to block their rationale as far as reality is concerned. You think the world is sane now. But to me, so much suffering happen indiscriminately is insanity. And if what I have to say triggers anyone out of their complacency or indifference in the world, so be it.
It almost seems like some force has pushed me to the wall and endorses the outlandishness of my writings. I get a strong instinctive NO when I am not supposed to write about something. I get a strong instinctive YES with what ever I do write. This instinct. This instinct has nurtured me through a loveless existence, kept me alive through a brutal year of imprisonment, kept me sane even when felt I was not, honed my skills to heal and write both to the point of mastery, shows me the evidence of my work in the world, has attracted high functioning dynamic people to me and tenderly tended my capacity to love when I in return am shown so little.
So if I want to assist those who are capable of stretching their capacity to love into total acceptance of anyone from any vantage point, I will use every prop and character at my disposal. I hope this justifies me to you and your loved ones that supports your continued growth. I love you. You know that and you feel that. As pissy as I can come across to others, they do not doubt that one fact. I am incapable of NOT loving. That is the main justification of people coming back to my work. Who else can say that?