Self assertion is a good thing to teach a child who is getting bullied on the playground. Self assertion is being diligent of ones own boundaries. When someone takes something from us or is not respectful of our personal space, the other person is stepping over the boundaries of our energy field.
We all are an orb of energy that not only encompasses our physical body, but also all our emotions, experiences, thoughts and even aspirations. When anyone tramples over any of these things, they are trespassing in our personal space. Self assertion is being aware of where the subtle boundaries of our self are and not allowing anyone to trespass over them. It takes courage to defend our physical boundaries and yet it takes more courage and awareness to defend our more subtle boundaries.
Parents are used to being in their children’s energy field when they are young, but as soon as the child develops individuality apart from the parent, the child works diligently to defend their boundaries against the intrusion of the parents. They can seem almost ruthless in their ability to defend their boundaries. Maybe if the parent realizes that this is necessary for the child’s development, they will relinquish easier and allow the child their individuality.
The problem with children is they get a taste of the empowerment of self assertion and they take it to the extreme sometimes. They invade their parents’ orb of energy, where they were willingly allowed most of their life, and they take no prisoners. Parents need to allow the child to establish their own energetic boundaries and the parent needs to establish their own amidst their children as well. We can love tremendously but we are still individual energy fields that have to live and exist separate from everyone else.
Couples are allowed in each other’s energy field and that feels fine for a bit. Arguments come when one doesn’t realize how they have taken the “all access pass” for granted. Arguments are reasserting boundaries that were given up in reckless abandon at one point.
To maintain your boundaries, stay in the center of yourself. In other words don’t get so carried away with just one experience that you forget about the other aspects of yourself. If you are emotional, try to still think through the process of all the dynamics that you are experiencing. Realize that more than your emotions are involved. Watch your thoughts and speech and realize that there may be many other triggers happening that are making you emotional. Try not to just “get carried away” by your emotions.
If you are diligent, you can stay sensible while you go through anything and still maintain your boundaries. It is a type of wisdom to do so. Whenever you go through any experience, be watchful of your thoughts, feelings, what you are experiencing and how you are physically reacting to it. Realize anyone else in the exchange has all those other dynamics going on as well. It can even be interesting, as a people watcher to see what carries other people out of their center. Be the wise one.
Also, watch how other people try to assert their self over the boundaries of another. You can see this on any reality show. Watch when someone is trampling on others emotions, thoughts, dreams etc. Call others on it when possible. Sometimes their methods are overt so calling them on it can be something as simple as: “The way that you are interacting with me does not feel right.”
Sensitive people feel the affront to their boundaries right away. Hopefully understanding the dynamic of what is happening can help them realize that their thoughts and feelings are valid and give them license to defend themselves against subtle intrusions of self assertion from others.