Many people explain a feeling of being different because they were adopted. It has caused some of them to feel like they have lost a connection with a huge part of themselves. It has caused them to overcompensate in order to feel loved or to isolate or lash out against their adoptive parents. They feel the need to test the Love.
What all people need to realize is that everyone feels different or separate for one reason or another. It is the human condition. Everyone is exactly where they need to be for the most spiritual growth and that all are connected to the Universal source as much as the next person. When someone doesn’t feel connected or feel the Love it is because of something in their own belief system. The Universe always supplies unlimited Love to all; it is our willingness to accept it that could be strengthened.
There is a string of Love between each mother and the child she births. In some cases, the mother has a good understanding of what circumstances she will be giving to the child and opts to pass the baby on to better circumstances. This is an act of Love. The very fact that the baby exists is evidence that it is Loved. The very fact that anyone exists is evidence they are loved.
I have worked with enough birth parents to know that their love and support goes with the child when they pass them along. It is like having an invisible force of love to buoy the child through their life. The child should always be made aware that their placement in this world was by special assignment but karmic-wise, they are where they are supposed to be.
I have two nieces who are sisters. One was adopted. Her parents made certain she knew very young that she was adopted so that she would have as little angst about it as possible. At the age of 3 or 4 she would explain to her younger sister, “ I’m special adopted. You’re only special”.
When you have an adoptive child, here are some suggestions to consider:
- Please be honest with your child at all times. If you are not, they may feel isolated or silently resent you.
- Allow your child to learn about their ethnicity and heritage. Think of it as something that you can discover with them. It is another way to embrace and accept them and to develop a sense of inclusion.
- Realize that you are not going to lose them just because they wonder about their birth parents. There was a reason the Universe brought this gift to you and it wasn’t just to take it away later.
- Allow the child to feel the intangible Love of the birth mother. That love can get be an extra advantage even though the two may never meet.
- Avoid jealousy and fear of the birth parents. The child sees you as strong. Don’t appear vulnerable by fearing an intangible relationship.
- Know that the child’s background is a part of their identity. Don’t try to make it seem negative so that it will be undesirable to the child. If you make their background seem negative, the child may feel it reflect on them.
- If the child came from a traumatic background, don’t keep telling the story. What we focus on defines us. Don’t choose trauma to define your child.
- Convey that your child is fortunate without implying that they need to be extra grateful to you for the opportunity. Sometimes part of being a parent is to be unappreciated. If you expect them to be grateful because you chose them, then you are the one setting them up as different.
Finally, acknowledge and accept the universal Law of Love that brought you and your child together. Instead of thinking that you aren’t the child’s birth parent, realize that you are the child’s real parent.