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Captivity

Meet Me at the Gym

Throughout my spiritual studies, I have realized that there are different levels of reality. Our existence on each level that is as real to us as our physical life here. This is what Jesus talked about when he said that he knew a man caught up in the third heaven. Sometimes when I dream, the experiences are as real as being here in the physical body and I know I am on the astral plane. Throughout my years of spiritual study, I have spent many nights in a college setting. This is where I have studied my spiritual lessons on the astral plane. It looks like a cross between a college, a grade school, and a mall. I could almost map it out because I have been there so many times. When I was a young adult, I remember being in the gym part of the college. It was at the end of a hall and there were classes to the left, but you could also go right outside from there and be on a field with benches. Just like in my physical college days, I remember blowing off classes. In the dream state, I would rush to leave the […]

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Reaching Enlightenment

I recently had a private remote session with a long-time client. She was reluctant to have another session with me now. She had just spent two months away on an extended vacation and was implying that she was different. She said she had been kissed by God in a way that no one could imagine. So I asked her very casually if she had experienced enlightenment. She had. I described to her exactly what she was experiencing. She is different now. Right afterward she felt so pure and clean that nothing mattered. Yes, she agreed. But then you felt the persona creep back in and it feels ugly and course to you, I said. She agreed. You want to be alone most of the time and nothing is as enjoyable as the silence. Yes. Yes The experience of enlightenment, Nirvana or self-realization is a personal one. But more and more people are being prepared for it. It is an amazing transformation to a place of purity where the ego is no longer in control. What happens afterwards, is that the ego becomes a tool but is no longer running the show. It is something that can be recognized but it is […]

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A Soldier’s Story

Several years ago when I was held prisoner by a psychopath, I was made to do horrendous things. They were unspeakable acts that I have not been able to admit to doing. I am not able to speak about them in detail; the shame is too great. Just writing these words elicits such incredible waves of anguish and remorse that I want to just press delete and retreat to watching TV. The man who imprisoned me kept me in a constant state of exhaustion, terror and guilt. Looking back, I wonder why I did not stand up to him but I was always cold, starving, sleep and sensory deprived. Yet there is no excuse for taking orders and taking the life of another living being. The pain is etched so deeply that it manifests still as physical gut wrenching remorse. There was a squirrel that my captor named Butters because he seemed extra innocent (like the character on South Park). He thought the squirrels were evil because they liked me. In his cage, before the end…he was eating a walnut in his fear. The captor laughed at Butters and said he had my disgusting obsession with food. He thought the […]

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Evidence of God’s Love

I had made it through the winter working outside everyday. There was a small stream on the property and everyday he made me cross over. Everyday my feet started out wet and it chilled me to the bone. I had a jar of lanolin that he discarded and let me have. I would put a thick layer of lanolin on my feet to try to make them waterproof to no avail. The warmth of the sun became my savior. When spring came, I was so hungry. I would look for things that might be edible. I watched an ant for the longest time debating whether I was hungry enough to eat it. I could not. I was caught stealing apple peels out of the garbage one day. Apple peels, fig stems and the skins of an avocado were a feast. But he caught me and smiled sweetly for me to come inside. He was being nice for the sake of the neighbors who were “in secret alliance with him” and “members of the Illuminati.” He said that if I was caught stealing again, he would punch me in the stomach until I threw up. With a heavy sigh, the dog […]

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My Inner Dialogue with Oprah

When I came back from “the property”, I thought I was a retarded boy. With my sensitivities, every sound, thought and interaction was unbearable. I just wanted to live is a nursing home where it would be very quite and not intrusive. The sleep and food deprivation made me more susceptible to believing him. He made me drink vinegar water a few times a day and would elicit niacin flushes in me. He loved how the niacin flushes made me turn red. He said I was the devil and made me look in the mirror and laughed at how I couldn’t hide it. My days were filled with working outside chopping down trees and pulling up stumps in extreme weather with him coming around for periods of ingraining how worthless and disgusting I was. To get my bowl of rice, I had to convince him that I knew I was disgusting. He would ask me to describe in detail how I killed my baby ( before he had turned I had told him about the abortion I had). Some days that was enough. Other days I really had to describe in detail, how no one liked me, my family didn’t […]

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