Have you ever had someone say something unkind about someone and you agreed? Maybe you wanted them to like you; or you just wanted to pacify them. You have used your energy for an ignoble purpose. It may seem like it is no big deal. But from the point of view of someone who has felt every barb, slight, insult, shun and admonishment as if it was physical pain; your contribution matters. In fact, the most healing moment for someone who is suffering for the sheer amusement of others is for a person who “matters” to NOT participate.
The people who are unkind to others, go around collecting fuel to continue their agenda in the form of others condoning what they do. Giving them attention or joining in, is agreeing with their project.
When someone says something unkind about someone, and you don’t want to confront them, just ignore them. Pretend you didn’t hear them. If they keep trying to get your attention, that is proof that they need your approval to continue. If you ignore them and they stop the behavior, that will be evidence of the weight you carry in others behavior. It is a powerful tool for realizing your own strength of character.