I have always wanted a big family. I love children and am very good with babies. It was my dream to have a big family. That was the one compliment that was allowed to slip unchallenged when I was younger; that I would make a great mother.
My first boyfriend happened when I was 21. He was indifferent to me in many ways but I had enough exuberance for both of us. Relationships eluded me so I was happy to be in one. We moved to NYC together when he got a sales job. It really wasn’t a great fit because sales people are likable, optimistic, self motivators. He was none of those things.
When I got pregnant, I was very happy. It was a feeling of something wonderful happening to me. It made me excited about the future. The fact that he drank way too much and that he wasn’t kind to me weren’t even factored in. It wasn’t even a big deterrent that he would leave me home alone with my new cravings while he did recreational drugs with his friends.
Even in my human shortsightedness, I was spiritually attuned. I was “shown” inwardly what life would be like raising this child. The stories of the father’s adventures robbing an old lady or starting a fire on a train came to mind. I saw how I would be a drain on the social and economic systems. I saw the baby’s Akashic records in this life. He was going to be a taker.
As much as I desperately wanted a child, I now knew, that this child was a karmic experience for the father, not me. We went to the clinic and had the procedure. This was the morally right decision for me. I truly believe that people are meant to give to others and not make life more difficult for good people. Creating a means for this soul to be physical was a choice that would not benefit me or anyone else but this soul.
This is my truth and I stand by it. Not because I want to take up the debate and become a political voice. But because it is my truth and I believe it would be hypocrisy to not stand by my truth. I am proud of myself for not burdening an over-taxed world with just one more taker.
I spent many years wanting to be a mother. But I do not mourn that experience.
- People being valued above all other expressions of life even though people are the only ones that take without need.
- Wildlife and nature that is being gobbled up at an alarming rate without so much as a thought of their intrinsic value.
- The magnificent trees that have been growing for hundreds of years being cut down indiscriminately.
- Lack of flexibility in education to meet the individual’s needs.
- All the individuals incarcerated because they are not capable of contributing their gifts in present day society.
- A sick society living dependent on medication that think of wellness in passive terms.
- All the poisons that are pumped into our environment by big business who know they are toxic.
- Animals being slaughtered simply because they wandered into a town because all their natural resources have disappeared.
- Prevailing ignorance, hypocrisy and manipulation, in all forms.
If one values life, it stands to reason that they would value all life, and all expressions of life. Not just the one form that they identify with. Here’s to equality for all!