Listening to people’s problems and dis-satisfactions is very difficult for me. It is excruciating and takes a lot of self-control to sit still for them. For me it is reliving them right in that moment. I don’t know why people want to make others live their pain with them unless they don’t understand that is what they are doing.
When I help someone, l don’t dwell on their experiences. Being privy to their emotions and interactions is like rummaging in their underwear drawer to me. I perceive energy so I am more apt to just take the whole dresser drawer out and empty it with them. It is much more efficient and creates less wear and tear on the emotional and mental body.
When people are having a hard time and spilling out their issues to anyone who will listen, it is obvious they are not centered. It is as easy to notice as physically seeing someone’s slip showing from under their skirt. You don’t help them by pulling the slip out, you help them but helping them adjust the slip back under their skirt.
The way that I do this is by giving no energy to the complaints. Pretend that you haven’t even seen the bait dangling in front of you in the form of provocative details. Remain oblivious to their problems while validating the person by listening and reminding them of their strengths and blessings.
Be emphatic about their good qualities and talents while totally ignoring their desire to purge problems. It will leave them befuddled but you will be able to see them connecting in gratitude to the good things they have to be grateful for. If they are very good at complaining, they will try to sneak them in sideways but this part of your learning curve. It is very rewarding to help others shift in this way. It is a real skill!