Recently I had a remote session with a regular client. Since we have been working together, she has really come into her own as an inspirational coach. We have never really discussed her husband directly. Since the sessions don’t really entail the client’s indulging in their outer circumstances, he doesn’t come up much.
Since knowing her, I have gotten the impression that her husband is temperamental and that this is an endearing quality to her. It is as if she takes pride that she is the only one that can “handle” him. Peripheral anger (his) came up in the session, in relation to her.
Inwardly I perceived the anger of a bull being poked in a frenzy. This was her husband. In the past I saw her as a bullfighter and he represented the bull. The client validated that this resonated as truth. Anything that I perceive is conjecture if it does not resonate with the client and they will always tell me when they believe I am wrong. It usually happens (albeit rarely) in the first session when new clients are still in a defensive mode.
In their dynamics, she would go into “bullfighter mode” where she was in a stance to handle him. She liked this dynamic because she felt empowered by it. But the affect it had on him was to unconsciously, push him into “Bull” mode. It was not a comfortable dynamic for him.
In the session, we were able to release her unconscious need to be empowered as the bullfighter in relationship to her husband. By her recognizing how and when she does this, she can control the unconscious propensity to push him into the role of bull. He will now be able to transcend the moody tendency that she was inadvertently forcing him into.
We all have past experiences that we bring to the table. No one reacts to us in a vacuüm. Instead of responding to behavior that we inadvertently attract to ourselves, it would be so much more effective, to use the cues we get from others to unravel the mystery of why we have been put in the role that we are in. By looking at each situation from a broader viewpoint, instead of assigning blame, we can empower ourselves to stand in our dynamic center of infinite Joy, Love, Abundance, Freedom and Wholeness.