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Changing Friend Dynamics

When someone is telling you about their problems, they will say things like, “You know how it feels when _________”

You are feeling just fine but they want you to remember a time when you felt like they do so that you will be able to relate to their pain. They are actually pulling your vibratory rate down to their level so you are equals. In that similar frequency, problems can transfer easily between the two of you. They can relieve some of their angst by putting some of it on you. Since you are at similar levels then, it is like water passing between the two you.

As payment for this, the person will flatter you shamelessly for being a good friend and a good listener. They go about their day feeling relieved and you may now feel out of sorts. But that is the price to pay for being a good friend. Right? Wrong.

This relationship dynamic has been going on for too long. Someone can be a great friend without listening to all that a person can dish out. Some people have become very crafty in getting their needs met this way. It is not fair to the friend.

How hard is it to say to someone who you are sorry that they are feeling bad and that you validate them and what they are going through but you can’t listen to all the venting.. Suggest maybe that they go journal on everything that is bothering them and when they finish you can reconnect for a brainstorming session. This is a great way to honor all sides in the scenario.

The human psyche wasn’t designed to process all the pain and problems of multiple people. The only way to stay present and healthy for all is to create and maintain healthy, loving and respectful boundaries. It can be done by always coming from love. This includes self-love!

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