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Breaking Down the Ego

It is painful to admit one is wrong. But that resistance to being fallible is the inflexibility that keeps the ego in charge. It is great to have a good sense of one’s self but not an inflated view of reality it may create.

I had a college girl come to me very distressed. She had alienated every one of her friends with no hope of repairing the situation. She was devastated. I coached her through going to every person separately, and telling them how sorry she was and what they meant to her. I told her to start with the ones she thought would forgive her more easily. She resisted at first but reported back when she had finished. It was an exhausting but liberating exercise. She had regained a place within the group. It was a personal victory for her.

She also had broken down aspects of the façade that the ego creates. It keeps us separate from others. We believe it is to give us an identity but it is to isolate us from interactions that may create pain. Yet, separation itself, creates pain. That may be the crux of life.

Here s a technique to break down the façade that the ego has built up.

Either in a group setting or on a one on one basis: Ask each friend what it is about you that makes them not want to connect with you sometimes. Ask them what is getting in the way of you both being closer. When they respond, do not listen braced or defensive. Listen to the response and allow the their truth in. Do not defend your self or reject their feed back. Just allow it in. This exercise, as painful as it is, will help break down the defenses that separate one from others. It can create a personal triumph in overcoming being controlled by the ego.

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