Better Boundaries

When some people have problems, they try to unburden themselves by bringing others into their experience. These are the people who frequently talk about their issues. This is  a very specific demographic. They have  become  experts in dumping their problems on others. These people don’t  feel good to be around.

One means in which they try to emotionally pull you in, is by trying to get you to see their problem as if it was happening to you. It’s very subtle but the questions they ask start with, “How would you like it if…?” or “Can you imagine if it was your….?” The more interest you show, the easier it is to entrench you with their concerns. Most of it is unconscious but that’s no reason for kind people to lay down their defenses and accept it.

These people are master manipulators.   They feed on drama and create their own conflicts.  They are the ones that strategically stroke our ego. When we succumb to their flattery, we are literally opening up our energy field to them.  Energetically, we look similar to a multi-petaled flower unfolding some of it’s many layers of petals. This is the same as spiritually exposing our underbelly.  When this happens, they are able to instinctively sense where our vulnerabilities are and use it to their advantage.

The best way to handle these people is to not engage them. Don’t answer their hypothetical questions.  Be aware of the cause and affect of how their compliments lead right into getting sympathy for their latest plight.  You may have to develop a way to cut them off that feels like you are being rude. There need be no guilt.  This is survival. It’s not like you can socially call them out for using these subtle  methods.  It  would only engage them further and feed their desire for drama.  Eventually, you will develop more subtle skills.  But until then, they need to sense firm boundaries to stop dumping  their problems on you.

The freedom that you will feel from the lessons that you are learning is worth the risk of  social awkwardness.

4 Comments on “Better Boundaries

Pat Norris
January 28, 2010 at 2:18 pm

I just finished an energy healing session with Jen and I am amazed by her gift. Throughout the session I felt several releases of negative energy at different times. Jen would say something related to the release of this energy which was true & there’s no way she could’ve known these things about me. The session really helped & I felt increasingly better. By the end of the session I felt a sense of amazement & bliss that cannot be imagined or manipulated by anyone unless it is real. I feel relieved by the burden of the negative energy I was holding and feel free of it to live my life in the state of grace I began in.

January 29, 2010 at 12:07 am

I received two confirmations that my recent actions were correct, THANK YOU!!

January 29, 2010 at 12:15 am

That’s awesome! I am glad if anything I have written helped.

January 30, 2010 at 4:15 am

Thank you Pat for sharing your experience with the session. I appreciate the feedback and description. I am in a precarious position of offering a service that is difficult to categorize. Each session is so different from the session before. Each client’s need is different from every other client’s. I do believe that I have been training forever to assist in the way that I do. I am honored and humbled to assist sincere seekers in regaining a clarity of purpose.

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