Our belief systems are formed by our experiences in past lives. A few years back I was very hard on myself because I was overly affectionate. I had this need to tell everyone that I loved them. One night I was shown a previous deathbed experience of mine that contributed greatly to this behavior.
I was a ten year old boy with doting parents. We were of a culture that wasn’t able to express feelings. It was very uncomfortable to do so. But the craving to express love was there. I was dying of some kind of influenza. I was in a cot in the kitchen of this little cabin. It was very difficult to not just pass away. I wanted to slip into the peace that I was feeling from the other side. But every time I came close, I felt the Love of my parents pulling me back into the body. It was very difficult to stay in that sick body. It felt similar to holding onto a rope for dear life.
I worshiped my father. He was everything to me. As I lay close to death, he came and sat by my bed. He was very uncomfortable as he folded his hat in his hands. My mother was obliquely observing our interaction. My strong father, who seemed invincible to me, was sitting next to me vulnerable and helpless. I broke protocol and told him, “I love you Da”. Hearing those words made him break down. I felt an instantaneous release of pressure.
Suddenly and sweetly I felt myself drifting away to a peaceful bliss. But in another instant, I felt a pull in my stomach and I was back in the harsh reality of the kitchen. My mother was washing something with such conviction. She seemed angry. She was angry with me. She had pulled me back from that serenity because she desperately needed to hear those words that I had said to my dad.
I tried to stay present, I tried to stay in that body long enough to give her what she needed. But it felt like the anchor, and I was hanging by a thread. The next instant I was permanently disconnected from that life as a boy. The lasting impression of that lifetime was my mother’s regret that she didn’t hear, “I Love You”, from me.
That experience was etched so deeply in me that I had wholly incorporated it into me and was compelled to express love in many circumstances, no matter how awkward and inappropriate. It was such a deeply felt experience that it was able to surface in this life. I was compelled to share any type of affection with another person because of the pain not doing so in a past life had caused.
I am still capable of expressing loving feelings all too easily, but now it is done without the compulsion. The past life understanding brought with it a balance. Now I operate from a more conscious place.
This is an example of releasing a past life memory to bring balance to present life behavior. This is part of what I help clients do in their sessions. They are sometimes able to release compulsions and live their life from a place of freedom. I believe my deep capacity to love has helped me hone this skill to assist others.